Thoughts become things. I really believe that because I’ve lived it. When I was a kid and my parents would drive out to my grandparents house, we passed a house on a hill that sat back from the road with a big flag pole in the middle of the yard. It was some kind of daycare center but I never saw any people there. I kept thinking that one day I would see some kids. I don’t know why I thought that and I can’t remember why it seemed important to me. And one day, after years and years of driving by that place, I saw a little girl holding that flag pole with one hand and kind of spinning around it in a circle. Thoughts do become things.
At one of the recent interviews I had, I was thinking the interviewer was disorganized, not paying attention and that it was not the kind of place I wanted to work (lots and lots of customer contact). And then she mentioned that they were a Christian group and I bit my tongue and locked my gaze on hers to keep from rolling my eyes. I’m not sure I succeeded. I didn’t get that job, but a few weeks later the same group posted a job that would have been a much better match … and I didn’t get an interview. Which was weird because my qualifications were perfect. So maybe I did roll my eyes … and my thoughts became a thing. An unemployed thing.
I’m at a loss as to what to do next. Because I’ve had a lot of practice, I’m getting better at staying positive. Negativity creeps in but I’m usually able to turn that around pretty quickly. Now, though, it’s been four months. I am starting to feel like I’m mooching off MMB and not pulling my weight – which is only half true. I’m splitting the grocery bill with her each week and paying my own way but my bank account is dwindling and I’m starting to freak out. Keeping the panic at bay is a full time job right now.
I don’t want that thought to become a thing. In the back of my mind, a little voice keeps telling me it will be okay and that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. And it’s not like I don’t have any prospects at all. I still have applications out and I’ve had two interviews for a job that I think I’d like – and I should hear from them within a week or two. But that little voice isn’t as loud as it was just a month ago. I think she’s getting hoarse.
So tell me … how do you stay positive when all signs indicate it’s time to freak out?