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I’ve spent a lot of time telling people I’m moving to another state because putting it out there holds me accountable. It’s kind of scary – at least for me – to just pack up and move across the country with nothing but my furniture, my cats and my wits. Oh, and my clothes. I won’t be going naked.

I’m making lists … things I want to take, things to give away, things to sell. The financials might get complicated, so I’m saving as much as I can and relying on the fact that things tend to work out in my favor.

Do I keep my car? Should I sell it and buy one when I get there? Do I hire a company to move me or do I do it myself? The pro/con list in my head is now on paper. Seeing it in black and white (or purple and white, in this case) makes it real and helps me sort it out. I’ve kind of lived by the ‘no paper trail’ rule so making lists is a new thing. All kinds of new things in my life lately.

I look around and I see less and less to keep me here. Good job? There are good jobs where I’m going. Friends? The airplane was invented for a reason … and I can make new friends there. A medium-sized city with lots to do? Same thing there, only smaller but with more things I would be interested in. Family? Two-thirds of my immediate family are there … and the other one-third may make the journey with me. But even if I go by myself, we still have airplanes. Royals baseball? That’s why television was invented, isn’t it?

As for the timeline, I’m still working that out. Next summer is likely, next autumn is probable, but next spring is possible. I keep thinking about the things I will miss here … and can’t come up with much, certainly not enough to tip the scale toward staying here. I do think snow is pretty, but I am tired of shoveling my way out of my driveway two or three or four times a winter. I like sunshine but the humidity and heat here are killing my lungs – and that’s also true for extreme cold. One thing I really will miss is the way this town rallies around its people. People here are generous and kind and welcoming. On the other hand, they’re also judgmental and holier than you can ever hope to be.

What I would really like is to just wake up one morning and be there. That way I could skip all the planning and freaking out and second-guessing myself and tying up all the loose ends. On the other hand, this process is forcing me to deal with things in a head-on manner. To keep my inner peace, I tend to just ignore things until they go away. With this, I am dealing with the mechanics and logistics of moving, but I’m also facing my fear of new things/situations and letting go of the comfort of my environment.

They say that no matter where you go, there you are. It’s true I’ll be taking myself with me. But I also believe that change is good, even when it’s scary. I believe that changing my environment is the one piece that’s been missing from the puzzle. I’ve done a ton of work on myself and I can honestly say I’m a completely different person than I was just a few years ago. While I remain in this town, there is only so far I can go. And it’s time to take another step forward.

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