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As part of my efforts to be more social, I’ve started accepting more invitations – and even extending my own invitations. Yes, that means I have actually had people in my house, people who were there for fun and not to install cable.

I had invitations to two parties on the 3rd, but I had to work on the 4th. So I skipped the lesbian party because there were going to be a bunch of people there I didn’t know. Instead I decided to hang with Leslie at her neighborhood party. In retrospect, the lesbians might have been slightly less dangerous.

We sat around shooting the breeze (and drinking beer) while we waited for the party next door to get going. Just before we went over, I switched to vodka, my drug of choice. Besides, it was Absolut Citron and it was Leslie’s and everyone knows other people’s booze always tastes better.

People started streaming into the party around 8pm. Lots of people. Lots of people I had never met before. I began to regret turning down the lesbians. But then someone made a pineapple upside down shot, which is UV Cake flavored vodka and pineapple juice. It sounds disgusting but it tastes just like cake. I love cake. I loved all my new friends, too.

Leslie’s friends who were hosting the party are in their late 20’s. It’s possible they are 30, but unlikely. And so, Leslie and I were among the few senior citizens there. Three young guys, dressed in suits complete with ties, came in. They had a bet to see which one of them could last the longest without taking off any part of the suit, including the ties*. One of them was the hostess’s brother. He asked her if she had something to chase with and he held up a bottle. I asked him what he had and he turned around to show me (Jose Cuervo tequila). I said, “You don’t need a chaser for that, just do shots.” And he said it was kind of harsh and that’s when I said, “Ah, you’re a pussy.”

*crickets*

He just stared at me for a second and then he laughed and told me he loved me. Then he held out the bottle.

Note to self: If you call someone a pussy because they don’t want to do a shot of straight tequila, you’re probably going to have to back it up. And backing it up is probably going to involve doing a shot of straight tequila yourself. You don’t really like tequila. Remember that. Also, when you take the bottle from the guy and take a drink out of it (because you’re classy like that), he is probably going to say something like “That’s not a shot.” Then you will say “I’m not going to chug it for you. If you want me to do a shot, go get a shot glass.” And then he will. And then you will. And then he might want you to do another just to prove it wasn’t a fluke. And you will have to do that shot, too, because you have to redeem yourself for calling him a pussy in the first place.

Surprisingly, I was not dead the next morning, but close to it. I worked, then took a very long nap. When it got dark, the fireworks started in earnest and I sat on my front porch and watched my neighbors blow shit up. They had some decent stuff and I ended up watching a pretty good amateur fireworks show. If I were more outgoing I would have walked a few houses over and said hello to my neighbors, but … baby steps.

*At midnight, when it was still 90 degrees, the pussy took his suit jacket off. I knew you’d want to know.

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