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I am in a Black Keys phase. You’re just going to have to live with it. While you’re living with it, check out the video at the end. Awesome music and a sense of humor. You can ask for more than that, but you’re not likely to get it.

Remember when I was talking about looking confused and vaguely panicked to get people to do my bidding? It is working about 80% of the time now.

My brother left-at-my-house/let-me-borrow-in-perpetuity a cordless drill/electric screwdriver. The other day I finally licensed MoC’s my car. I got new plates instead of transferring my old ones because … well, it sounds a little silly, but I did it because I wanted a fresh start. Different car, different plates – it’s just another way to make it mine and not MoC’s. Anyway, I was going to put the new plates on the car, so I got the screwdriver out and tried to put the bit in it, but it wouldn’t lock in place and kept falling out. Instead of calling it defective and giving it back to David, I read the instructions and realized I’m missing a piece called a chuck key. So I tucked the booklet into my purse and took myself to the hardware store.

I gathered a few other items (chain extenders for my ceiling fans, orange duct tape [also, why is it now called duck tape? It’s right on the package. *sigh], and an adjustable wrench) and then found an employee. I said, “I’m looking for a chuck key for a cordless drill. I don’t even understand what I just said, but here is the instruction manual.” And he laughed, which was the point, and found the right thing-a-majig for me.

Then I went to the auto parts store. I walked in and said, “My dome light is out and I need a fuse. I think. I don’t really understand what I’m saying.” And that guy laughed and found the part for me. It turned out to be the bulb and he would have put it in for me but several customers came in and even I can manage to change a bulb. Probably.

A couple weeks ago I saw a kid walking down my street with his pants buckled under his ass (when is that fashion trend going to go away?)and a t-shirt that said ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

And I thought … Mmm, not really, kid.

A few days ago I was at 7-Eleven and the clerk was talking to her friend while she was waiting on me. She told him she was getting a new tattoo that night. So just for fun, I asked her what she was going to get. She said, “I’m going to put Only God can judge me on my forearm.”  And I thought, Mmm-hmm. That’s not true. I’m judging you right now.

While the auto guy was figuring out my car situation, I was looking at the guys standing around the car next to mine. One of them had a tattoo sleeve on one arm and a partial sleeve on the other. And on his forearm I read: ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

Seriously, is there no original thought anymore? Of course I can judge you. I’m standing here smiling at you and I’m judging the ass off of you. Maybe God is the only one who can make it stick, but he ain’t the only one who can do it. Let it be a lesson kids, don’t get dumb tattoos. Because now I’m on a quest to have MMB make a t-shirt for me that says “That’s not true!” on the front and “I’m doing it right now!” on the back. And I won’t explain it to anyone. Ever.

And finally: Curls!

I’ve been letting my hair grow out. The idea was to get it to one length, but I am loving what it’s doing now. All I have to do is comb it and … well, I’ll show you.

And if I go to sleep when it’s damp? Ringlets!

But you wanted that video, didn’t you? Okay, okay, here it is. And when you’re finished watching it you should download every song they’ve ever written. You’re welcome.

PS That chuck key thing? On closer inspection, it was in the base of the drill. I should probably consult my brother before I accuse him of giving me defective equipment.

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