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Leslie: Spill it.

Me: I don’t have breakfast and tell.

Leslie: Asshole!

Me: Seems I’ve heard that before …

Yesterday I noticed my television was still on ESPN. I was watching a basketball game so I could taunt breakfast girl and then I forgot to change the channel. So I picked up the remote … nothing. Volume worked, but I couldn’t change the channel. I punched in a number instead of using the scroll key. Nada. I tried to change the channel on the box. No deal.

You can imagine how thrilled I was to have to call the cable company. The same cable company that took three years to find a kinked cable in the wall that was causing me outages every two to three months. The same cable company that punched a wicked hole in my wall that I still haven’t explained to the landlord.

Me: Hi. My television is stuck on ESPN and I don’t like sports that much.

Cable guy: Hahaha. Hang on a second and let me check the recommendated … what? Recommendated?? I’m sorry, I can’t believe I said that. I skipped breakfast this morning.

Me: As long as we aren’t conversating, I’m good.

Cable guy: Oh, I hate that too!!

Me: Wow. Seriously?

Cable guy: And the other thing I hate is when people pronounce the “t” in often.

Me: We should get married.

Cable guy: Um … I’m not doing that again. I’m divorced.

Me: Probably because your ex pronounced the “t” in ‘often’

Cable guy: She did!

And then he found the recommendated procedure and fixed my cable box.

Life is good.