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MoC escaped the hospital and is back at the nursing home – or “the home” as she calls it. This time, though, I can’t cheer her up by telling her that she’ll be able to go home soon. She is home now. This time, MoC is on the other side of the facility – the dementia unit. It was the only room available and they are turning that hall into a skilled nursing hall, but still … it’s a (loosely) locked ward. And she doesn’t know any of the staff on that side, although the ones I talked to were very nice.

This is just … rough. My feelings are locked down tight and I don’t want to think about it or what any of it means. I can’t. This is all I can do. And maybe that’s okay.

Her new home has no television. Yay. I still don’t know if I have to get one for her or if the facility will provide it, since right now, she’s technically skilled nursing and not a resident. I stayed with her about an hour, but when I left, I asked her what she needed.

(Keeping in mind she’s anemic and freezing all the time)

Me: Shorts. Tank tops, short-sleeved shirts.

MoC: No socks.

Me: Right. Flip-flops. What else?

MoC: I really wish you could just stay the night with me.

Okay, that almost broke me.

Me: Are you sure you don’t want me roll you out to the common area?

MoC: No, I’m fine.

Me: What about all the way to the front area? There’s no one there and you can watch whatever you want.

MoC: But then they wouldn’t be able to find me.

Me: Maybe one of the nurses you know will find you and whisk you away to their hall for the night.

MoC: You think?

Me: You never know. They love you. Are you sure you want to stay in here? Why don’t I turn you around so you can at least look out the window?

MoC: I’m looking at the wall.

Me: I don’t want them to think I’m a terrible daughter yet. Plenty of time for them to find out.

MoC: I’m looking at the wall and the light.

Which made me laugh and hug the stuffing out of her.

I found this wristband at Walgreen’s on the impulse display by the registers. It has an embedded titanium hologram and is supposed to help with core balance, flexibility and strength. So I bought it and gave it to MoC, who has worn it for the last five months. I found it discarded on the counter in the ER last Monday. I scooped it up and put it on.

I was waiting for the bruises on MoC’s hands and arms (from the IV traumas) to heal so she could wear it again.

For me, it is a talisman.

I haven’t been able to take it off.