MoC called me early this morning and asked me to come over.  She couldn’t catch her breath, so I told her to sit down and wait for me. I also told her to use the pursed-lip breathing method. When I got there, I checked her oxygen level and her blood sugar, which were both okay. I left shortly after Donna, her weekend caregiver, arrived.

Donna just called and told me she doesn’t think MoC should be alone for very long, that she isn’t doing very well today.

I feel like I am walking underwater. I can’t sleep. I jump every time my phone rings. I feel sick every single day.

Yet every time I think to myself that it’s killing me to watch this, I kick myself, because this is actually killing my mother.

And there is not a goddamned thing I can do about it.