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We kidnapped MoC from the nursing home yesterday. I even left a ransom note:

WE HAVE YOUR FAVORITE PATIENT. WE DEMAND $122.50 IN SMALL UNMARKED BILLS.

(Dear FBI: It’s a joke ’cause she’s my mom and we just took her home. Jesus, do I have to explain everything? Is this why I can’t get a government job? Oh, wait …)

MoC is doing very well, probably a little better than she was when she came home the first time. She’s certainly just as feisty. Because I had to work yesterday, I told her to have lunch and then I’d nab her around 12:30. I told David the same thing.

Perfect plan, right? Except MoC never does what she’s told.

Me: You didn’t eat?

MoC: You said to skip lunch and we would go somewhere.

Me: No. I said eat lunch and we’d go somewhere for dinner.

MoC: That is not what you said. And they were serving ham.

Me: You don’t like the ham.

MoC: I would have eaten it because I’m hungry.

Me (looking at David): Will you help me here?

David: Nope.

(Smart man)

Me: Okay. You win. I’m sorry. Of course you’re right.

MoC: I thought you’d see it that way. After you gave it a little thought.

Me: I don’t know what I was thinking.

MoC (shaking her head): Neither do I.

Ha. I should have asked for a bigger ransom.

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