It’s easy to have your cake and eat it, too. We can do it every day if we want and if we don’t mind weighing as much as a baby elephant. The real trick is to eat your cake and still have it. Don’t know what the hell I’m babbling about? No worries, I have no idea, either.
The last post I wrote about this didn’t generate the hate mail I thought it would. Thanks for that. In fact, everyone was pretty understanding. It’s a strange situation. Now that I know a little more about it, it’s not quite as strange as I first thought.
Some of you disagreed with me (politely, for which I thank you). Some of you said nothing. Some of you told me to be careful. And Stuck told me to go for it. Men. They’re so predictable. 😀
I’m the most judgmental person I know – but it’s all about little stuff, like the way you dress. When it comes to emotions and human foibles and folly, I have no room to judge. I made a decision with all my options on the table. I had several reasons for making that decision, all of which are intensely personal and mostly have to do with “Bridget” and the ringer I’ve been through with my family in the last year.
I spent more time talking to Mrs. Married. (She gave me permission to say what I wanted here, but asked that I not use her name, even with quotation marks, and asked that I not reveal certain things that would be a dead giveaway to people who know her, none of whom read this blog, but what the hell, I can do that much). We spent a little time talking about the built-in limitations and about how we could proceed without either of us getting hurt.
I have to admit right up front that the limitations are exactly what appealed to me about the situation. It has a built-in endpoint. There is a line neither of us can cross – a line that neither of us are willing to cross, albeit for different reasons. I’ve asked a million questions and I am satisfied with the answers. Am I thrilled that she is married? No. But, believe it or not, I am totally okay with it. She isn’t cheating on him – he knows what’s going on. And yes, I now know for certain that he knows. I’m not just taking her word for it.
Someone asked me privately why I would want to do this. My answer is because I need it. I need to flirt. I need to laugh. I need to date – and I am keeping ALL of those options available as well. I need to get away from MoC’s situation and the incredible pressure I’m under at work. I need someone to get me out of my own head. I need to be held and I need to feel desirable and I need to feel wanted.
But mostly, I need – desperately need – to get over “Bridget.” It’s been a year. I still love her. I know that’s really stupid, but I can’t help it. If she called me tomorrow, I would dump Mrs. Married in a heartbeat – and Mrs. Married knows that. We both know what we need from this relationship and we have been honest about it. I cannot begin to express how liberating that is. It doesn’t hurt that she’s hot, either.
So what can I say? I’m a sinner. I’m evil. I’m taking an opportunity for a little bit of crazy fun. I like her. She likes me. We know what it is – and more importantly, we know what it is not.
And there is nothing wrong with that.