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I have a confession.

I’ve been lying to you. For years.

My cousins don’t live in Hell St. Louis, but you do have to go through Hell St. Louis to get there. And sometimes, when you are directionally retarded like I am, you are able to get lost in East Hell St. Louis. In da ‘hood. When you have to pee really, really bad and you simply have to stop. And there isn’t an inhabited (or inhabitable) building in sight. And suddenly you realize you’re a cute white chick in a very bad part of town.

But when you gotta go, you gotta go. So I stopped at the first place I  saw, which happened to be a convenience store. I locked the car and thanked God I’d borrowed MoC’s wheels for the trip because hey, better her car than mine. I’m a realist. Or a selfish bitch. One or the other. As I approached the door, a young gangsta was coming toward me. I got to the door first and opened it – and three more young gangstas walked out. BIG young gangstas. And they all checked me out. Gulp. I’m not that cute.

The dude at the door said, “Go ahead, baby.” So I smiled and went ahead. Only as I tried to go around the door, I stepped off the curb and turned my ankle. So he said, “You okay, baby?” Please stop calling me baby, baby. I’m gonna pee my pants. And then I’m going to cry. Either of which would probably make me a less than desirable rape victim. Besides, they didn’t look like rapists. So that was a plus.

I got back on the road and found my way to Jo AnnE’s without further incident, and upon my arrival I drank four beers in rapid succession. Horse piss Bud Light never tasted so good. Then Michael texted that he was on his way home and asked if I needed anything besides hookers and beer. Yes, Michael. Hookers and blow. There is always room for hookers and blow!

The rest of my sordid weekend (with pictures) is after the fold. Continue if you dare.

The news of the weekend was … Michael tricked Jo AnnE into agreeing to marry him. Not quite sure how he did that 🙂  I’m so excited and happy for them. They are one of the few couples I know who really seem to click. They ‘get’ it, they ‘get’ each other and I get to be the flower girl!!

I dragged Jo AnnE to the zoo on Saturday. It was overcast and it started to rain before we were able to see all of the main exhibits – although, to be fair, the Hell St. Louis zoo is huge. (It also puts the Kansas City zoo to shame)