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Warning: This is a long post. But I’m a wordy chick.

Usually when I say something snarky, I add, “Oh, did I say that out loud?” I should have known that one day it would get me in trouble.

MoC has a cable internet connection – but only after two phone calls. I called the cable company last night and the guy told me to buy a cable modem, hook it up and call back to get the connection set up. No problem, right? You obviously haven’t been reading long. I blazed my way through Walmart, got the modem, went to MoC’s and hooked it up. I installed the cd and … “We’re sorry. Your operating system does not support a cable modem connection.” Seriously? So I called, finally got tech support and explained the error message and said that I had Windows 7 and that I was having a problem with the installation. And then she said, “Your account only has cable television. You don’t have Internet with us.”

And so I said, “Yes, I know that. The guy I spoke with last night told me to install the modem and call back to get the connection hooked up.”

And then she said, “You can’t get the Internet if it’s not on your account, ma’am.”

And so I said, “Oh. That makes sense. I didn’t take the Internet course when I got a Bachelor’s degree in IT.”

Ooops. Did I say that out loud?  No. No, I didn’t. Whew.  I took a page from MoC’s playbook and said, “Oh, I guess I’m a little confused. How do I get Internet on the account?” So she transferred me and I set up the account and then that lady transferred me back to technical support and that guy fixed the problem. Sweet.

Then I bookmarked some of MoC’s favorite sites (and just realized I forgot to bookmark this one. Freud? Bueller? Anyone?) and put some stuff back the way it used to be. Then I went home.

Except I stopped to get a bottle of Coke – which is a whole other blog post because  I never say pop or soda, I always say Coke, even when I mean Sprite Zero, which is what I bought. The convenience store keeps the Coke (Sprite Zero) on the top shelf of the cooler. Which I can’t really reach. Normally, I hook my fingers through the slats underneath the bottle and push it up and toward me, so that it basically falls out of the slot and would land on the floor if I didn’t catch it, which I always do. But this time, it was the last bottle and when I tipped, it fell backwards. Oh, shit. I was trying to get my fingers far enough back so that I could lift the bottom of the bottle and slide it toward me and kind of tip it out that way. But that didn’t work. So I was gonna ask one of the clerks to help me, but there was only one guy in the store and he was busy at the counter. Just then, a girl walked toward me and so I asked her if she could get it for me. She said sure, and whipped it right out of there. At which point I said, “I love tall women! Thank you!”

And then I replayed that in my head and realized I said that out loud. I just smiled and walked on. What else could I do? 😳

And then I went home. Only, I couldn’t go straight home, because as I was traveling north on a main drag to get to another main drag going east/west, I saw a cop in the southbound lane blocking a lane of traffic. His lights were on so I figured he was busy. None of this would be a problem except my license plates expired in January. I have everything I need to get it done – except time. I drove past and kept an eye on my rearview mirror because that’s what you do when you’re a criminal.

He waited for traffic to clear and did a U-turn. Crap. There were several cars behind me and he was probably 250 yards behind me, but I turned left on the next street. Because that main drag I was planning to turn on? Goes right by the police station. Now, I live 3 blocks from the police station, so I drive by there a lot, but with one cop somewhere behind me and an entire city force potentially ahead of me, I took the easy way out.

Except I got lost.

Yes, I got lost in my hometown, within a few miles of my house. But I have a decent sense of direction, so I just kept heading north and then west until I finally saw this:

DSCN2098That is the RLDS Church.

And this is the RLDS Auditorium, where  according to gossip, but nothing in their theology that I could find with a quick Wikipedia search, Jesus will make His first appearance. At night, the dome is lit and my dad used to call them the landing lights. Heh.

DSCN2097Anyway, once I saw the spire I was able to orient myself and I drove straight toward it. And came out on yet another main drag. Right. In. Front. Of. The. Police. Station. I looked across the road and saw another cop … they’re like roaches. I sat at the light in front of the police station, watching my rearview and waiting for another one to pull up behind me … but I made it home safely. And by safely, I mean without an expensive ticket.