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Don’t read anything into that –  Jesse is a friend.  You know he’s been a good friend of mine. But I heard that song in the car on my way home from work today and so I sang along – even after I got caught by a couple teenagers who laughed at me.

I’m in a weird place. There’s a lot going on and I’m just trying to tread water. So I’m going to amuse myself (and maybe you) by posting a slightly schizophrenic text conversation with Leslie from yesterday. Leslie usually has Fridays off, but because of the blizzard, she was forced to work.

Me: Are you at work?

Leslie: Yes, damn it.

Me: And suddenly I’m in a much better mood.

Leslie: Fucker.

Me: Now you’re gonna resort to name calling? My mother would be so disappointed.

Leslie: Tattle tale

Me: Another name? Tsk. I didn’t say I would tell her. She’ll just know.

Leslie: Don’t even try to take the high road .. remember I have permanent residence in your head.

Me: Remember I brutally murdered the other voices in my head. On a quiet night I can still hear the screams.

Leslie: Are you sure it was you who murdered the other voices?

Me: Who is this?

Leslie: Joyce.

Me: My name is Ann. Why are you texting me?

Leslie: To warn you. Leslie is out of control.

Me: Can you give her a Xanax? Or a cookie?

Leslie: No, but possibly a Mentos.

Me: Well, it is the fresh maker.


Me: According to an email I just got, someone will call at 8:23 tomorrow to tell me something wonderful.

Leslie: My junk email consists of penis enhancement products …

Me: Sorry. Sorry about your tiny penis, too.

(a little later)

Me: I’m sorry I made a joke about your inadequate penis.

Leslie: Fucker

Me: It explains your bitterness.

(a little later)

Me: Are you still upset about your penis? Remember: SIZE DOESN’T MATTER*

Leslie: Ahh thanks. I feel so much better. I’ve come to terms with it … sniff.

Me: You know this is going on my blog, right?

Leslie: Figured as much.

I’m an evil, thieving troll. Also, my phone didn’t ring at 8:23 am.  Damn it.

* That’s a lie, boys. IT MATTERS!