I usually save these kinds of posts for the end of the year, if I do them at all, but then I thought … why not? It’s close enough. Also, I’m a little sad that no one seems to remember the password to my protected posts. Or you’ve gotten lazy. Or my work story wasn’t that funny. One of those. Whatever.
You started off great. I got my CCNA (for you non-geeks, that’s a Cisco certification that I used to think was kind of “elite” but has impressed exactly zero employers). I started seriously job hunting for a help desk position and applied for over 100 jobs. This netted me exactly four interviews, during one of which I had to endure a tornado drill. Apparently my ability to follow the crowd to the basement was not that spectacular.
Then I met “Bridget.” Yay! A real, live woman who lived within my self-imposed 50 mile radius, who was also cute and smart and fun to be around and actually had her shit together. In fact, 2010, you had me believing she might be The One. Then my brother-in-law died somewhat unexpectedly and Bridget decided she didn’t want to see me anymore. Well played, 2010, well played.
Then my grandfather died, which while kind of sudden, wasn’t completely unexpected since he was 95. Right after that, I found a job. Yay! It was a temp job, and it wasn’t a tech job, but it would pay the bills. But then I had to go to an orientation and missed my grandfather’s funeral. So thanks for that. Asshole.
But I met some new friends, including a coven of lesbians, and so I started going out to parties and fun stuff like that. Except none of them are single and they don’t have single friends. Which was okay, because I renewed my match.i.cant.get.a.date profile and met a couple of really nice women. Until one told me she had had a double mastectomy and demanded to know how I felt about it. Um, I don’t know? Apparently that was not an acceptable answer, even though it was completely honest, so she went away. And then I met two more … one was very nice and pleasant and fun and I liked her style. But then I told her about my blog and she logged in from Chillicothe, which to the uninitiated is about 90 minutes away. No. NO. Remember the radius?? The other one was a writer and absolutely fascinating. We wrote each other every day for weeks and were planning to meet for coffee (yay!) when she suddenly told me she was flying to Pittsburgh to meet someone else. I’ve done the online, long distance thing, and I’ve never gotten on a plane to meet anyone I didn’t plan on sleeping with. We decided to be friends, but then …
My mother had two strokes. WTF, 2010? Seriously? I guess in order to make up for royally pissing me off, you decided to let her make a pretty good recovery. So thanks for that, but still … you suck. Maybe you decided messing with my mama was going too far and so you went back to your old tricks. Just to fuck with me, you made my temp job permanent, but I know that’s only your way of keeping your foot on my neck because I now make decent money with great benefits that I can’t justify throwing away on a $10 an hour help desk job that no one is offering me anyway.
You gave me a head cold on the day I was supposed to get my flu shot. And then, right after that, you gave me bronchitis. But that wasn’t enough, was it? As soon as I’d recovered, you gave me the Asian Death Flu and let me vomit until I was so dehydrated I got leg cramps. I won’t even talk about what else went on in that 24 hour period, except to say that I somehow managed to break my finger. Nice job with that one, because I don’t even know how I did it. What I do know is that it’s my left index finger and I’m rendered helpless without it. I can’t grip anything, including jar lids, keys or my deodorant bottle. Which only serves to make me realize how left-handed I actually am, despite my mother’s best efforts when I was a toddler.
I found out a friend of mine has cancer. And another friend’s mom passed away.
But that wasn’t enough, was it? I now have bronchitis again. You bastard.
I have 5 days left of a class and a big project due that no one is working on. I’m probably going to get a C.
Then I have 3 classes left before I graduate. But that’s in 2011, so you can’t screw that up for me. Don’t even try it. Your days are numbered, sucker.