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Although I hate the phone slightly less than Leslie does, I don’t really like it. As a result, we impart vital information to each other via text messages. Our last conversation went something like this:

Me: Xmas bonus! I’m going to buy a gallon of Absolut and drink it without you. Because I’m rude like that.

Leslie: Asshole.

Me: Not my problem. I’m not the one with plans this weekend. And that’s Ms. Supreme Asshole to you, thank you very much.

Leslie: You haven’t earned that title yet. I might have to sneak away and have a shot. Keep a “save Leslie’s sanity” reserve.

Me: Fuck that. None for you. NOW have I earned the title?

Leslie: Um, no. You see, I know you, but feel free to keep trying.

Me: AND I’m going to sleep with your office crush

Leslie: LOL You’re getting there!