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Takin care of business … and workin’ overtime …

I heard that song tonight on my home. It always makes me smile because it reminds me of my dad. Yeah, he was all kinds of cool.

It looks like we’ll be able to move MoC to a better facility tomorrow. Thank you, God. She is coming back a little at a time and I am so grateful for every tiny little sign that my mom is still quietly kicking ass and taking names. If you’ve been reading here or on Facebook or know me in “real” life, you have an idea of how difficult this has been. It’s a billion times more difficult for her, I know. It’s just that for the first time I’m realizing that we won’t live forever and it kills me to see her so helpless. I’ve been learning on the fly how to compartmentalize and concentrate on what I need to do right now in this moment and put aside my fear – because it doesn’t help her and it really is all about her now.

I process things out loud. Sometimes I’m cryptic and even when I’m not, I never say everything I’m thinking or feeling, but I put most of it it out there because I can’t internalize everything. I just can’t. I’m going to stop apologizing for that – it’s who I am.

“Tired” is my key word lately. I am exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. I have one more paper to write this weekend and then I am finished with school until the 16th of November. I’m hoping that will be enough time to recharge. Strangely enough, though, as tired as I am – I also feel better and stronger and more free than I have ever felt.  This crisis was the catalyst that pushed me forward and hurtled me past the last emotional barrier to becoming (and accepting) the person I’ve always been meant to be. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s my blog so shut up.  😛

How about a funny story? I am in the hiring process of the company I am temping at and I had to do a background check (uh oh) and a drug screen. I did the drug screen yesterday, but I went to the bathroom right before I left work. I’m tired, remember? I’m not thinking clearly. So I went home and did a few things and then I went to the clinic. I drank a bottle of water on the way. I drank a cup of water when I got there. I filled out the paperwork and waited. And waited. And waited. They called me back and … I couldn’t pee. I told the guy I didn’t have to go and asked for another cup of water. He kind of rolled his eyes because, come on, really? My sole purpose in being there is to pee, for God’s sake! I should have been prepared.

He made me go back to the lobby and drink more water and wait. And wait. I waited almost 45 minutes and I STILL didn’t have to pee, but by God, I was determined to try. So I went back in … and concentrated … and thought of waterfalls and rivers and streams and … finally … a little trickle.  Damn. There was NO WAY I was leaving there without peeing enough to reach that magic line on the cup. I finally did it. I’ve never been so proud of myself.

And before some smartass asks, yes I passed. My vices these days are all perfectly legal.