, , , , ,

I hate to do it. In fact, a little piece of my soul is dying as I type this, but it’s time. I’ve applied for over 100 (way over 100) jobs in the last few months and I’ve gotten exactly 4 interviews from it.  Even with my dodgy math skills, I know that’s not good. There are too many people with experience that are competing for the same entry-level jobs.  I still have a few irons in the fire, but it’s time to face reality.

I’ve made the decision to go back to what I was doing 16 months ago. There are two companies hiring – both with former coworkers around to put in a good word for me. I’ve applied to both. Then I threw up in my mouth just a little. I hate, hate, hate that I have to go this route, but I can’t live on $12 a week. The stress of it is creating havoc in my life – and I have had quite enough havoc, thanks.

It doesn’t mean I’ve completely given up the dream, but I have to be realistic. I need to feel that I’m in charge of my life again. I need to feel I’m not freeloading (even though I know I’m actually not … I still feel that way). I need to know that I have a place in the world, even if it’s not the place I want to be. I haven’t stopped looking for an IT job, but it’s time to put on my big girl pants and deal with the situation as it is – I haven’t found an IT job in the 5 months I’ve been searching and it may take another 5 months or 15 months. I don’t have that kind of time. I have bills to pay and kittehs to feed.