“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.” – If you know the quote, you know where it came from. If not, it doesn’t really matter.
So here we are again – full circle. I have a kitten on my foot and an unbearable sadness in my heart. Acceptance. I used to think that in order to accept a situation, I had to like it or agree with it. It has taken years to understand that acceptance is not about the person, place, thing, or situation – it’s about me. It’s about how I choose to see the world today. Every person I’ve loved, every war I’ve fought, every demon I’ve defeated, every dream I’ve chased has brought me to this place, in this time. It’s a good place to be, overall. If I counted my blessings, they would far, far outweigh the troubles I have.
Over the years, my heart has been broken and whole hunks of it are missing and it’s scarred and banged up – but it’s beating. And when I look at everything in my life – every person, every place, every thing, and every situation – I am right where I am supposed to be. I don’t have any control over anything but my own heart and mind. Even beat to shit, it’s a good heart. It is a worthy heart.
I wish people could see what I see. Sometimes I wish I had a way to take what’s in my heart and give it to someone else, kind of like a transfusion of hope. We can’t see what will happen in the future, but would it sound silly (or worse, presumptuous) if I said the future still looks bright? The lowest point is never where we think it is and what actually happens when we think we’ve reached it is that God (or the Universe, Big Ju-Ju, The Great Whatever) lifts us up and sets us on another path – one we never would have envisioned for ourselves.
I thought I had found the path, the right path. As it turns out, I came to an unexpected fork in the road – and so I took it.* I don’t know where it will lead. I don’t know who I will encounter along that path. I don’t know what I’m doing, actually. But I do know that I will always, always find the way because the people and situations in my life will push me, guide me, trip me and drag me along. And while they are pushing, guiding, tripping and dragging … they will let me know that even if I am by myself – I am never alone.
There aren’t any mistakes, only opportunities to learn.
Everything I just said? Total bullshit. It only works when things are going well.
When the shit hits the fan, acceptance probably isn’t at the top of the list. It might help to turn off the goddamn fan first.
*If you can figure out that slightly garbled quote, you’re a genius.