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I originally posted this in November 2007, but I’m re-posting it for your amusement while I’m gone this weekend. Fair warning, it’s probably not safe for work, I drop several f-bombs. Unless your boss is super-cool or you work from home. Then it’s okay.

In 8 short days, auditions for Kiss Me Kate will be held at a community center. This is a musical version of The Taming of the Shrew set to Cole Porter tunes. Who could resist that? It’s my favorite Shakespeare play, perhaps because I relate to the shrewish Kate.

My secret shame is that – despite my startling beauty, my rapier wit, my sterling intellect and my obvious charm – I can’t sing. I’m tone deaf. It makes me wonder if I am adopted because my mother had a wonderful voice, my father could sing (well, I don’t really know that for certain, but there wasn’t much he couldn’t do), MMB can sing, David can sing, JR not so much … and me, not at all.

When I saw the notice for the audition, I had an idea. I certainly have the sense of humor to pull this off, but I’m not sure I have the balls to make it work. But wouldn’t it be hilarious if I auditioned for the part? Wouldn’t it be great fun to stand up in front of hundreds of people, belting out Cole Porter songs off-key and out of time … and then, when I am inevitably cut, insisting that the director hear me again? Wouldn’t it be hilarious to pull an American Idol-like rant that goes something like:

Here’s the link if the video won’t play