Every time I sit down to write I think of a thousand other things I have to do. I clean the desk, feed the cat, check my DVR (the three movies I recorded a month ago are still unwatched and have not magically deleted themselves), read a gossip site (is Rob [Edward] in love with Kristen [Bella]?), check Facebook, play Mob Wars, read my email, defrost something for dinner, call my mother, surf the web, check my bank account (dwindling) and before I know it, it’s time for One Tree Hill (is Austin really dating Sophia, because he has a slight lisp and a weak chin. Their characters are dating and they aren’t very believable, either. Also, oddly enough, Austin’s character also lisps and has a weak chin).
I haven’t been working on the Nanowrimo thing, or doing much of anything except fretting about my future, which is rapidly approaching. And that’s boring to read about, scary to think about and hard to write about. I brood a lot. It’s what I do best.
Maybe writing about not writing will help me break the cycle and force me to face … myself. Eeek. In the meantime, I’ll tell you random stuff.
The neighbors who had the Evil Twin moved out – and left the Evil Twin.
So, being a sucker, I started leaving food out. When I was feeding the fluffy tailed step cat, the Evil Twin would munch the food sometimes, but he was never overly interested in it (because his owners were feeding him). I knew for sure he’d been abandoned when he started waiting for me every morning near where I put the food. I feel really bad because it’s getting cold and I can’t let him in (hush, Lass), but at least he’s getting some food. Guess I can’t save them all. Who knew I’d become such an animal lover? Oh, and the fluffy tailed step cat disappeared right around the time the family moved in downstairs. I’m almost positive they didn’t eat the cat. Although, maybe …
I’m not used to living above such rambunctious kids. And by rambunctious, I mean constant thudding and running and yelling and slamming every night. MoC keeps telling me that they’ll move out eventually and maybe they will. But maybe I will move out first. Sometimes I resort to the ear plugs, but they make me feel paranoid because then I wouldn’t know it if a stranger broke in until they tapped me on the shoulder before they killed me. If they tapped me on the shoulder, I would probably have a heart attack anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter.
I had a class scheduled to begin tomorrow but then I decided to drop out of Phoenix until after I took my CCNA exam. Then I was going to look for a job, start my life and then re-enroll. My finance counselor told me that was perfectly fine, but that because of the way my financial aid was set up, the funds on my account would be returned to the lender and since I couldn’t get those funds again (because the new aid year begins in January) I would have to pay for the class when I re-enrolled. Which is a LOT of money. Now I’m stuck. I have to take the class now or pay for it when I take it in January. Technically, I’ll pay for it anyway, but I can do it over ten years, so it’s almost like not paying for it at all.
I feel very squishy, like everything is pushing in on me.
I thought the cat broke my foot last week. I woke up one day and it was very sore. And the next day it hurt when I walked. There was no other explanation other than the ninja assassin cat attacked me. The next few days it got progressively worse until I finally went to Urgent Care, where the doctor told me he didn’t really know what it was, but he offered me Vicodin. I turned him down because Vicodin makes me hallucinate, which was fun when I was nineteen but not so fun now that I am forty-two not nineteen. So he offered me Darvocet. I turned that down, too.
I am an idiot.