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MoC and I were talking about the new Melrose Place because we are discerning television viewers and she was lamenting the fact that Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Colin Egglesfield are leaving the show in January. MoC really likes the character Auggie and she insists that he couldn’t have killed Sydney (who is played by Laura Leighton and is possibly the love of my life).

MoC: He was in love with Sydney. He wouldn’t have killed her. He should get together with Riley and she should dump that filmmaker guy – he’s paranoid. She’s kind of intense and he’s just … not. But Auggie is more her style.

Me: She just wants to make out with Auggie.

MoC: So would I.  I always liked the broody types.

Then we talked about Heather Locklear coming back.  Jack Wagoner played her love match – and I think they are (or were) dating in real life.

Me: It would be cool if Jack Wagoner came back.

MoC: He’s on a soap now, I think.

Me: Would you make out with him?

MoC: Oh sure. But I think Heather Locklear is more his type.

Then we drove to WalMart because that’s where we go to make fart jokes and laugh at people. As I was driving, several people pulled out in front of me, almost backed into me and were generally being dicks. So I called them dicks.

MoC: They’re all dicks. All drivers are dicks.

I pulled up to the door to let her out.

MoC: Except us. We’re excellent drivers.

Me: Would you make out with Al Pacino?

MoC: Oh, hell yes!

She got out, I parked and as I was walking in to the store I realized I confused Al Pacino with Dustin Hoffman. Again. I don’t know why I do that. It’s a mental disorder.

Me (walking up to MoC): I meant Dustin Hoffman. Would you make out with him?

MoC: I think he’s very interesting, so yes. We’d have lots to talk about. I think he’s very charming and intelligent. I’d have to base it on his personality though, because he isn’t very good-looking.

Me: Well, at least you’re not shallow.

Long pause.

MoC: The sex would be better with Al Pacino, though.

Oh.

Score one for MoC.

I probably shouldn’t have said ‘score.’

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