MoC, unlike George W Bush, is not the decider. She doesn’t like to decide anything. It’s not that she’s incapable of making a decision. It’s just that if someone else is around, she makes them do it. It’s too taxing for her, I guess. For instance, we had lunch yesterday. I was hungry but I didn’t know what I wanted. So, even after knowing her for forty-two years my entire life, I said, “Where do you want to go for lunch? And don’t say I don’t care. You have to pick.” We went around and around about it but I lost that battle. I always do. I even tried to trick her by naming two restaurants she doesn’t like. She said, “Either is fine.”
Me: Damn it. I was hoping I could make you name some other place.
MoC: My mother didn’t raise any dummies.
You’d think if she put as much energy into world domination as she does in not making a decision, she would be Most High Supreme Ruler by now. But I guess being Most High Supreme Ruler defeats the purpose of not making a decision, doesn’t it?
We I decided on Chili’s and we sat down. This would be funnier if I could remember what the hell we were talking about, but here goes anyway …
Me: That’s just stupid.
MoC(eyes wide): What did you just say? Did you say I’m stupid?
Me: What? No!! I mean, just think about that for a second.
MoC: I am!
Me: Would I ever say you’re stupid?
MoC: Not to my face.
Me: Exactly! Er, I mean …
MoC: I know my mother didn’t raise any dummies. But I’m not entirely sure that I didn’t.
Later, we went shopping. I’ll spare you the conversation we had about truth in advertising regarding toilet-paper quality, mostly because we were laughing too much and I can’t remember all of it. I had to go to a health-food store for a supplement that I’m going to try. They didn’t have what I was looking for, but the salesperson suggested something else. The salespeople know where things are in the store, but they never really explain the products to you, even if you ask. Which forced me to read the package. MoC was silent this whole time.
Me (not looking up from the package): MoC? What are you thinking? I can’t channel you.
MoC: I’m offline.
Yeah. It was that kind of day.