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This is the result of gently bumping into the metal door handle on the restroom at work yesterday. Pain is a great motivator.

So. About the job thing. It’s still unofficial but I will probably be out of a job by the end of March, which is two years after they brought me back from the first time they down-sized me. I’m getting good at it. There’s no coming back from this one, though. I’ve had to make some decisions and come up with a plan for the next few months.

I’m not good at change. Even when I’m in a bad situation, it’s hard for me to get out of it because I’m always afraid that I’m going to end up in a worse situation. That’s never happened, not even once. I’ve always ended up better off than I was before the change, but I’m still afraid to take the leap. It’s a security thing. We always feel safer with what we know, even when it sucks.

When the change comes as a complete shock (like the last time I was fired), it’s even harder for me to let go. But now … I’m bored. It’s why my coworkers annoy me to death – I’m tired of the same old thing, day in and day out. The conversations are always the same. The challenge in my work is long gone. I just don’t care anymore.

Since I had some warning this time, I was able to make some plans. I’m excited about the change this time and I want it to happen. Now, when my plans fail and I end up living with my mother, I’m sure I’ll look back on this and wonder what the hell I was thinking. For now, though, I’m excited. I’ve decided that when I am officially unemployed, I am going to take an accelerated A+ prep course and then I am going to take the A+ certification exam. I think the certification will open some doors for me.

I honestly thought that having the associate’s in IT would help me get an entry-level IT position, but I haven’t gotten any responses. The certification will (I think) show that I can do the work.

So that’s the plan. The contingency plan is to get another job in my current field. Although by the time I start looking, 100 other people will be looking for the same kind of job.

I feel good about this. I feel like I have a direction to go in and something to work toward. I’m going to take a break from school while I do the short A+ course, but it will only be for a few weeks. The bachelor’s will help me more in the long run. Plus, I just want to do it. I want to prove to myself that I can do it, that it’s not too late, and that I’m not too old, too lazy, or too afraid.

I’ve spent years criticizing every single person I encounter because it was easier than looking in the mirror. It was easier to condemn other people for their failures than to consider my own – or to think about the fact that I never even had the guts to try. It’s easy not to fail when you don’t do anything.

I’m not being hard on myself – those are just facts. The best part is that those facts aren’t true today. It took a long time to get here, but I finally arrived and now I’m headed in a different direction, with new goals. I’m anxious to get started.

Soon, I will rule the world. Soon.

basement-cat

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