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I was going to apologize for not posting but that annoys Avitable. Then I was going to cram everything into one long-ass post, but that irks him, too. And I was going to tell a funny story about work but I would have to use cutesy names for everyone and … yes. That pisses him off. However, I do not have auto-play music when you open the page (with no discernible way to turn it off), but I’m working on that. I want to do/have everything on his list. Goals are important.

Speaking of goals (oh, that was clever), it seems Hillary now wants to be the VP. Which would be cool because then they can have his and her campaign theme songs. I’m thinking ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ for Obama and ‘Running with the Devil’ for her.

(Insert another clever segue here)

Everyone has a few quirks – the things that make them crazy and/or homicidal. Mine is people talking to me in the bathroom. Although I’m getting more tolerant – at least, it doesn’t spike my blood pressure anymore – I still hate it. A couple years ago, I wrote this:

I wonder sometimes what reaction I would get if people could hear my thoughts. Maybe that’s a story idea. It’s been done before, but I believe there are really only half a dozen stories to tell; the trick is in the details. But I digress. My thoughts range from ‘Get off your cell phone, sit at your desk and do your job’ to ‘I’m terribly sorry God made you fat and ugly, but must you also abuse me with your stupidity?’ Yes, apparently they must. It’s the eleventh commandment.

And another thing: Stop talking to me while I’m in the bathroom! It’s bad enough that I don’t have my own private bathroom (which I think I deserve) and am forced to perform intensely private bodily functions in a semi-public place. You have no idea the mental anguish that causes me. But now, while I am in a compromised position, you have to pick that time to ask me an inane question? You simply cannot wait to find out what I thought about last night’s episode of West Wing, which I don’t even watch! When I run the company, people who talk to me in the restroom will be demoted immediately. Those who alert the world that I am in a stall by addressing me by name will be fired.

My boss (the nice one, not Bosshole) knows this. She thinks it’s hilarious to make idle conversation with me at the sinks. Or, even worse, if we walk in together she will babble at me the entire time. I never answer her. I refuse to acknowledge her presence. It makes her day.

Yesterday she revealed the cause of my severe discomfort to another coworker – who also thinks it’s hilarious. I asked them why they hate me. The boss said, “But we like you! That’s why we want to talk to you!” They had a lot of fun at my expense.

Later that afternoon, I had to … um … excuse myself. I always go to the restroom on the floor below so that I can run the stairs (every little bit of exercise helps). I made it to the hallway and was almost to the stairwell door when it opened and the coworker stepped out into the hall.

I turned around and went back to my desT®

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