Our local semi-pro, minor league, better-than-the-Royals, or whatever-you-want-to-call-them baseball team decided to do a promotion to raise awareness about animal adoption. They decided that the home team would wear black and white stripe prison uniforms and the other team would wear orange prison jump suits. The theme? A “Welcome to the Neighborhood” party for Michael Vick, who is in prison in Leavenworth, Kansas. Now that’s ingenious!
But then the team chickened out because a few people were offended. Who could possibly be offended by that – Michael Vick? Why do we care about his feelings? Apparently the NAACP was also outraged – why? Because Vick is black? What does that have to do with anything? Vick isn’t immune to being mocked just because he’s black, or because he was an athlete or because he’s paying his debt to society. As far as I’m concerned, being held up to public ridicule is part of that debt and being the butt of jokes and pranks should be the least of his worries. But God knows, we can’t be insensitive. We can’t hurt his feelings or embarrass him.
That was so last week, though. On to this week. I need to move into a lesbian-only apartment building because apparently I am irresistible to my neighbors. Several years ago, at my old apartment, one of my neighbors asked me out. Actually, he yelled at me and I didn’t hear him so I asked him to repeat it. When he did, I still didn’t understand what he said, so I laughed and said, “Yeah” and forgot about it.
Until he knocked on my door two days later. He asked if I was ready to go to dinner. Huh? I laughed (big mistake – but I was laughing at myself for being an idiot, not at him) and told him what happened. He turned four shades of red and apologized and then I apologized and then he never talked to me again.
Today I had two armloads of groceries to carry upstairs. My neighbor stopped me on the way back to get the second load and we had a nice conversation about the weather .. yada yada. Then he asked if I would like to “have dinner sometime, nothing fancy, just hang out and talk … like we’re doing now. No big deal, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had adult conversations.”
I had no idea what to say. Is his gaydar broken? So I stuttered. And stammered. And I finally said, “As friends, yeah we could do that I guess.” OH NO. What did I just say? I hate to hurt his feelings because he has always been nice to me, but I don’t want a neighbor buddy and I certainly do not want a date. As they say in France, “Shit.”
In other news, Hillary won Pennsylvania but they’re still arguing over the spread. My guess is she beat Obama by 10 points. This race is fascinating to me. Hillary’s new line is that Obama can’t seem to knock her out – or ‘close the deal.’ She has won all the big states – and Obama’s popular vote lead seems to come primarily from his home state. Disregard Illinois and they’re in a dead heat.
On the other hand, I hate it when the pundits try to disregard certain aspects of a race – like Illinois. They do it in sports all the time. “Well, if you take away that big 40 yard rip in the second quarter, Larry Johnson’s average is only 2.7 yards.” You can’t do that … Johnson earned those yards even if 40 of them came all at once. Obama won those votes, even if a big chunk of them were in his home state. Still, it’s interesting to watch how their strategies change and how they deal with the bullshit that’s fired at both of them regularly. I think November is going to have a big surprise for us.
I was going to write some other stuff, but I can’t remember what I was going to say. If you think of it, please remind me.