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I was mocking David Archuleta last week because … well, because he kind of sucks. He may have a good voice, but if you can’t hear him over the band it doesn’t matter. Then I decided I didn’t want to hear him anyway because he’s not as good as everyone seems to think. The problem is that he’s so cute that he has the 12 year old girl voting block (and probably some boys, too. Hmm).

I think an AC/DC night is in order. Here’s what I’d have them sing:

Edit: I added the lyrics because I realized that not everyone (hello MoC) would automatically recognize the songs. And the lyrics are what makes this whole idea so amusing.

  • David A. – Hard as a Rock
A Rollin’ rock, Electric shock
She gives a lickin’ that doesn’t stop [That don’t stop]
She line ’em up, Push you ’round
Smokin’ rings going round and round
Her hot potatoes
Will elevate you
Her bad behavior
Will leave you standing proud
hard as a rock [I’m hard as a rock]
Hard as a rock
Harder than a rock [Well it’s harder than a rock]
Hard as a rock
Harder than a rock [Well it’s harder than a rock]
    • Brooke – Whole Lotta Rosie
    You’re a whole lotta woman
    A whole lotta woman
    Whole lotta Rosie
    And you’re a whole lotta woman
    Oh honey you can do it
    Do it to me all night long
    Only wanna turn
    Only wanna turn me on
    All through the night time
    And right around the clock
    To my surprise
    Rosie never stops
    • Michael – Girls Got Rhythm
    The girl’s got rhythm
    The girl’s got rhythm
    She’s got the backseat rhythm
    The girl’s got rhythm
    She’s like a lethal brand
    Too much for any man
    She gives me first degree
    She really satisfies me
    Love me till I’m legless
    Aching and sore
    Enough to stop a freight train
    Or start the Third World War
    • Carly – Big Balls
    Some balls are held for charity
    And some for fancy dress
    But when they’re held for pleasure
    They’re the balls that I like best
    My balls are always bouncing
    To the left and to the right
    It’s my belief that my big balls
    Should be held every night
    Oh, we’ve got big balls
    We’ve got big balls
    We’ve got big balls
    Dirty big balls
    He’s got big balls
    She’s got big balls
    But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all
    • David Cook – Jailbreak
    There was a friend of mine on murder
    And the judge’s gavel fell
    Jury found him guilty
    Gave him sixteen years in hell
    He said “I ain’t spending my life here
    I ain’t living alone
    Ain’t breaking no rocks on the chain gang
    I’m breakin’ out and headin’ home
    Gonna make a jailbreak
    And I’m lookin’ towards the sky
    I’m gonna make a jailbreak
    Oh, how I wish that I could fly
    • Jason – Shoot to Thrill
    All you women who want a man of the street
    But you don’t know which way you wanna turn
    Just keep a coming and put your hand out to me
    ‘Cause I’m the one who’s gonna make you burn
    I’m gonna take you down – down, down, down
    So don’t you fool around
    I’m gonna pull it, pull it, pull the trigger

    Shoot to thrill, play to kill
    Too many women with too many pills
    Shoot to thrill, play to kill
    • Syesha – Shot Down in Flames
    Out on the town lookin’ for a woman
    Gonna give me good love
    Anybody want to hang out with me
    And maybe burn me up
    She was standin’ alone over by the jukebox
    Like she’s somethin’ to sell
    I said, baby what’s the goin’-price
    She told me to go to hell
    Shot down in flames
    Shot down in flames
    Ain’t it a shame
    To be shot down in flames
    • Kristy – Money Talks
    A French maid, foreign chef
    A big house with king size bed
    You’ve had enough, you ship them out
    The dollar’s up – down, you’d better buy the pound
    The claim is on you
    The sights are on me
    So what do you do
    That’s guaranteed
    Hey little girl, you broke the laws
    You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all
    Come on, come on, love me for the money
    Come on, come on, listen to the moneytalk
    Come on, come on, love me for the money
    Come on, come on, listen to the moneytalk
    • Ramiele – Shook Me All Night Long
    She was a fast machine
    She kept her motor clean
    She was the best damn woman that I ever seen
    She had the sightless eyes
    Tellin’ me no lies
    Knockin’ me out with those American thighs
    Takin’ more than her share
    Had me fighting for air
    She told me to come but I was already there
    ‘Cause the walls start shaking
    The earth was quakin’
    My mind was achin’
    And we were makin’ it and you –
    Shook me all night long
    Yeah you shook me all night long

    Any other ideas?