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No, no, I didn’t get fired – yet. Although with my track record it is always a possibility. I went shopping today and bought some clothes that actually fit me. For months I’ve been making do with my “big girl pants” – called that not because they were huge (even though they are) but after the diaper commercial. Don’t ask. It’s complicated.

biggirlpants1.jpg fatjeans1.jpg

The pictures don’t show their hugeness so much, but the giveaway is the elastic waist – and no zipper (which got me to pull up pants, which led me to big girl pants. Why am I still trying to explain this?) The jeans look sort of normal, but the jeans I bought tonight are two sizes smaller. I’m still not at my goal (only halfway there), but I feel so much better than I did just a month ago. I’m no longer stuck in that 7lb lose-gain cycle – I’ve gotten past that plateau and even though it is going very slowly, it is going again.

I’ll have my teeth bleached soon and the crown replaced and I’ll be wearing smaller clothes and I’m almost finished with school (and my first degree) and then I can begin thinking about a career change and … wait. Am I being confident and optimistic?

I’m sorry.

For a moment, I forgot myself and my Capricorn grumpiness. So here’s a TFC/work story to help you understand that although things are going very well … they haven’t really changed that much.

I mentioned the motormouth nutcase I had to train for Cartman’s job and then I never mentioned her again. That’s because I go to work every morning hoping she will just disappear. It’s not very nice of me, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t have to have conversations like this one.

MMNC: Hi! Are you going to fix an Easter basket for your cat?
Me (sigh): No.
MMNC: Why not?
Me: Because she’s a cat, not a Christian.

Then I mentally did the Homer Simpson “D’oh!” but I don’t think she was offended. I’m not even sure she heard me or realized I’d not only insulted her but all cats – and Christian cats.

Goats are good at that.