ooh ooh ooh, honey …

I need help. A few posts ago, I mentioned that while I was on my break from school that I was going to revamp my match.icantgetadate.com profile. That’s a great way to meet people in theory, but the reality is that it hasn’t worked for me. At all. I mean, not even one lousy date. Several years ago, I met a few women on Planetout.imalesbianloser.com, but that rarely led to a second date.

Stuck would tell me to go out and just start talking to women, but that doesn’t work for me, either. I sit in the corner and watch everyone – and leave. Alone. Because as outspoken and smart-assy as I am here, I am shy in person. If someone approaches me, I can hold a conversation, but (at least for the moment) I really don’t have the confidence to just start talking to random attractive women. I’m working on that part.

What I need from you guys is help writing a great profile with some lines that will catch someone’s attention. And for the seven lurkers who never comment but actually know me in real life – this means you, too! I know where you live and I will not hesitate to T.P. your houses. For people who just know me here, you can still help. You’re all great writers (that’s why I read your blogs) and you’re all interesting and amusing (that’s why I read your blogs). When it comes to writing (or talking) about myself, I draw a total blank. Drop some hints and one-liners in the comments. There isn’t a prize because I’m poor and I’m too lazy to run a contest but you can go to sleep at night knowing that you helped a jaded, cranky Capricorn get laid  be more sociable.

I need a date. I’m tired of talking to the fuckin’ cat. And besides, don’t you want to read more dating disaster stories?