Like all the Capricorns I know (including myself), Cartman is a little paranoid. She jokes around (loudly), but that layer of paranoia is always there. She thinks people don’t like her, which happens to be true in my case, but most people think she’s just peachy.

Last week, I was at work talking to MoC and I asked her if she would call my boss and get Cartman (who was listening as usual) and me out of work. MoC said she would if we would come over and clean her apartment and then said, “I’ve got a cobweb on the ceiling that I can’t reach. How tall is Cartman?”

So I said, “Hey, Cartman, how tall are you?”

“Why? Are you measuring me for a casket?” She didn’t miss a beat. I was so proud.

Recently Cartman convinced herself that she was going to lose her job. For the last couple of weeks, she has been joking around about getting fired. She would get her paycheck and make a remark about a pink slip. Yesterday when the boss handed her the check envelope Cartman said, “Can I have two, please?”

Bosshole called us to a meeting early in the morning and Cartman said, “Are you going to fire us now?”
I pointed out that it wouldn’t be Bosshole who fired us – because Bosshole used to be the boss, but isn’t anymore. We had a conference call with the Shrew about some boring work stuff. The Shrew was asking about another employee, whose initials are DMG. She said, “Who is DMC?”

Cartman said, “He’s a rapper.” I high-fived her for that one.

A little while later, another coworker said that people were getting fired and that management was making the rounds. After that, the real boss called Cartman and Bosshole into another meeting and told me to cover the phones. I think my response was, “Oh, shit.”

As it turns out, Cartman wasn’t paranoid after all; she was let go yesterday morning along with 27 other people. I’m torn. She didn’t do a very good job and so I was not surprised that it happened. On the other hand, I hate to see someone lose their job because I know how it feels. Cartman was not my favorite person in the office but she was fabulous blog fodder.

Rumors are flying. I think I’ll be okay for a while, at least until I finish my degree in May. I had thought I wanted to stay with this company and move into the IT department, but now I’m not certain. I hate to “wait and see” because it is so not my nature – but I think I will have to wait and see.

In the meantime, here’s to Cartman for giving us (me and all five of my readers) a year of fucked up logic, tortured syntax, and butchered English. And here’s to the times she made me laugh and to all the times she made me grateful to have a brain that occasionally works.

Thanks, Cartman.

It’s been … something else.Β