I’ve complained for decades about people making up words like conversate and irregardless. (Conversate just triggered my spell-check twice, but irregardless did not. Damn it) One theory is that language is fluid and so it should evolve as society and technology grow and change. There’s only one thing wrong with that argument: stupid people. Stupid people gave us both conversate and irregardless. Stupid people who have no grasp of the English language should not be able to change the lexicon. Period.

Unless it’s funny.

When I was a kid my family played the dictionary game. I didn’t know it was actually Balderdash without the pre-printed definition forms and special dice and cards with word lists. We used a real dictionary. We made sure (on the honor system) that no one knew what the chosen word meant. Then we played the game and made up our own definitions.

My brother was especially good at the dictionary game and always came up with creative and perfectly plausible definitions – which was the whole idea. He once defined Kandahar as a close relative of the kangaroo.
(I just made that up. Or did I?) πŸ˜›

We were out Christmas shopping for MoC’s ‘surprise’ gift.* Despite 6 inches (or 15.24 centimeters) of snow a lot of people were driving around and getting in our way. And that’s when David started making up words.

David: Look at that. People are rushing up to the front to get a good parking space and they’re blocking traffic and acting like a bunch of douche willies.

Me: Did you just say douche willies?

David: Yeah. It’s better than douche bag, don’t you think?

Yes it is. Way better.

A couple months ago I was out with MoC and we stopped for breakfast. It was raining and nasty and people were driving like douche willies. I was attempting to park in front of the door, but a family of four was walking (slowly) through that parking space to get to the door. They looked like a group (gaggle?) of ducks. The two little girls were giggling and splashing but I was getting irritated despite their cuteness.

So I said: Come on, you … duckfuckers!

MoC decided that’s her new favorite word. Douche willy is my new favorite. I wonder if MoC will be as fond of it. The next time we conversate, I will ask her which one she likes best, irregardless of how we came up with the words.

*We were going to tell MoC that we couldn’t find her tv table and so we had to get something else. I wanted to redeem myself with David for my lack of imagination. I’ve arbitrarily decided against that course of action because I could just see MoC getting online and ordering it for herself. Then again, that would have made a great blog post.

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