I received a letter from a therapist today that cracked me up. It actually made me laugh out loud. In the interest of full disclosure, it did not make me snort or spew or do anything else remotely disgusting and/or unprofessional. Unfortunately, because of all the proprietary information, I can’t reprint the letter; but I’ve decided an excerpt, with a few minor changes (like omitting the client’s name), would be appropriate. The satanic references are original content.

“My office manager (and wife) kept filing the claim with the wrong ID number. Apparently, the client’s OCD, my wife’s OCD and the client’s employer’s Satanic origins … created the perfect storm of non-reimbursibility. … Here, again, are the first three months of 2007 and your opportunity to prevent a divorce. We have no other clients of (the Satanic employer) and will lock the doors if we see them coming …”

Heh. Didn’t that make you smile?

I sent it to Cartman. She didn’t laugh. She told me it was stupid, retarded, not funny, weird, dumb, stupid, retarded … oh, sorry. Just because she repeats herself doesn’t mean I have to do it.

A few months ago she told me that I’m not funny. (Now I understand why she thinks that – it’s kind of like being asked to judge a sunset when you’re color blind. She has no baseline with which to compare it).

Today she said: Are you sure I said you weren’t funny?

Me: How is it possible to misunderstand that?

Cartman: You’re kind of funny. Maybe I said you don’t have a sense of humor.

Me: And that’s not worse?

Cartman: Oh. (long pause) Are you sure I said you weren’t funny?

The other day I overheard this conversation.
Cartman: No. That number isn’t right. They changed the number and it doesn’t transpose to us.

Today she said it again: Those numbers don’t transpose to our system.

She’s lucky I do have a sense of humor. Otherwise, I’d have killed her and put her out of my misery a year ago.

Speaking of misery, this is my programming problem for this week.

Design a program that models the worm’s behavior in the following scenario:
A worm is moving toward an apple. Each time it moves, the worm cuts the distance between itself and the apple by its own body length until the worm is close enough to enter the apple. The worm can enter the apple when it is within a body length of the apple.


When the pace is too fast and I think it won’t last
you know where I’ll be found
I’ll be standing here beside myself
getting ready for the final round
“On the Loose”