Conversating* with Cartman part II

I should make a thing in my sidebar for my growing cast of characters. Cartman, for the uninitiated (or the uncaring), is a coworker. She looks a lot like the cartoon character. She sounds a bit like him, too. Only he makes sense and she does not.

Cartman: I’m going to order Goodcents for lunch. Do you want anything?

Me: Yeah, thanks. I’d like a half tuna sub on wheat bread, with provolone cheese, mayo and tomatoes.

Cartman: You want extra mayonnaise?

Me: No.

Cartman: But you just said you wanted mayo.

Me: Right.

Cartman: So you want extra mayonnaise.

Me (sigh): No. I want the regular, prescribed amount of mayonnaise.

Cartman: But there’s mayonnaise in it.

Me: Yes, there is. I also want mayonnaise on it. But if you say ‘extra’, they’ll give me more than I want.

Cartman: Ohhh. I didn’t think of that.

Me: Tell them to bring a half pint of vodka, too. I need a drink.

Cartman: You’re so silly!

Actually, no, I’m not silly. A couple years ago, they had a driver who liked to flirt with me. And since I’m not a man-hating lesbian, I flirted back. One day I asked him to bring me a half pint of vodka. He laughed and said okay. I laughed and hung up. When he arrived with the food about thirty minutes later, he held the sack down away from the receptionist’s desk so that I could see. Nestled inside was a half pint of vodka. I about died. That was the best day at work I’ve had in a long time.

I should get hazard pay.

*I know conversating is not a word. I’m so silly.

cartman coworkers humor conversations